Respect Authority

Recently I read a blog site that talked about school memories so I gave it some thought and shared this story with my students.

When I was in grade 5 (age 10/11) I had a male teacher who was very strict but usually fair. We had desks that seated 2 and of course, they were in rows with aisles between each desk. I was a good student. I apparently didn't even talk much which surprised anyone who knew me outside of school and I worked diligently, received good marks and was regarded as an honest, caring student.

One day, our class ran a competition whereby we were all photographed with one student missing and other students from other classes had to guess who the student was. Also at that time, there was one other child sick but that didn't matter. The answer was the student who was deliberately taken out of the photo not the child who was away sick.

A friend from the other class came to me after having placed her vote (had to pay to do so) and asked me if she was right. I told her she was wrong. I knew she wouldn't tell anyone and since she'd already voted, figured I wasn't cheating.

A girl from another class saw me and told my teacher that I had cheated. After recess he came in and berated me in front of the class, "I THOUGHT I COULD TRUST YOU! YOU, OF ALL PEOPLE???! YOU CHEATED!" and you can imagine the rest of the tirade. I just sat at my desk, trembling and upset. What he said was true - I could not refute it.

When I finished telling my students this story they asked me why I didn't tell him what had happened and I explained that we were not brought up to "answer" back. We had to respect those in authority over us.

I can remember sitting in church next to my Nanna (Dad's mum) and she would turn in her Bible to Eph. 6:1, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right".

For a long time I have believed that if an adult, including a boss, said or did something, then I was still to respect them and not contradict them. Obviously if it was immoral or illegal, that was different but otherwise I should not argue with them. It has taken me even longer to realise that it is OK to disagree with those in authority and it is OK to even tell them I disagree. I should do it respectfully but if they are wrong, then it's OK to say that they are wrong. Sometimes I still struggle with asserting myself with someone older or in a more authoratative position.

Students today are being taught to question and to critique. They are taught not to believe all that they see on the TV or read in the papers and they know that adults get it wrong. Many of them are quick to contradict those in authority and a lack of respect is evident in their attitudes and actions.

Somewhere, there needs to be a balance that includes respect and includes knowing when to challenge authority and when to submit.

How Do I Communicate

You Communicate With Your Ears

You love conversations, both as a listener and a talker. What people say is important to you, and you're often most affected by words, not actions. You love to hear compliments from others. And when you're upset, you often talk to yourself. Music is very important to you. It's difficult to find you without your iPod.

How Do You Communicate?

My footnote: I don't have an iPod but I have a CD player in my car, in my classroom, in my office, in our loungeroom.......... Otherwise, this is pretty true of me.

My love language is primarily "Words of Affirmation".

Handling Conflict

An observation my mother made a few months (or years) before she passed away, was that we (my siblings and myself) were never taught appropriate ways for handling conflict since we were never confronted by much conflict in our home.

Mum and Dad never fought and anytime they disagreed, they would do so privately. When they tried to convince people that they didn't fight, many didn't believe them and then would comment, "But then you missed out on the fun of making up!" Mum's standard answer, "We're always having fun being made up" or something to that nature.

Now, I'm sure as children, if they had have fought, we would have known about it. We would have told someone that "I heard mum/dad......."

Mum and Dad also protected us from adult kind of talk, like budgeting, saving, spending etc. We knew that we didn't have much money but unlike some children today, we were oblivious to grown-up economic pressures. In fact, we actually got to enjoy our childhood and be children.

When we got married, we assumed that we would live happily ever after like mum and Dad did. We assumed that love would conquer all and that we wouldn't fight or raise our voice with our spouse. We assumed wrongly. We all married spouses who had a different upbringing to us and whose personalities were different to our own. Coming from a family of six children (Mum had 5 children under 5) and marrying an "only son" whose sisters were 11 and 13 years older than him, you can imagine that our (Russell and I) expectations of home and family life did have some differences. Russell's parents were 42 and 47 years old when he was born, had been through the depression, WW2, and lived in a rural area on 42 acres of their own property.

On the other hand, my mum had 6 kids by the time she was 31, Dad was a mechanic, we lived in suburbia ... well my childhood was somewhat different although we still held the same values and beliefs. In fact, nearly all of us married someone who had quite a different upbringing to our own. (We're pretty unique.)

Being a middle child, I can tend to be a peace-maker and I learnt it was much easier to "go with the flow" than to confront someone from outside of my home. Make a scene in a restaurant?! Never! Take something back if it's not of good quality? It will be fine! Get pushed out of line? Well, I've been here waiting longer but it's OK, I'm not going to say anything to the person who barged in front of me. "Friends" talk about me behind my back or say unkind things to my face? I'll go find someone else to play with.

I recall working at Dad's workplace (a garage) as a receptionist on work experience when I received a phone call from someone who decided to abuse me. Instead of fighting back, instead of telling Dad or the foreman, I stewed on it for most of the day, then on the way home, tearfully told Dad about it. "Why didn't you tell me?" he asked but I only shrugged.

I can tell you lots of similar incidences. The circumstances, the people, and the weather might be different, but I handled them all the same way - I didn't. I avoid conflict whenever possible. If someone offends me, I figure it's my problem so "get over it". It's not always the best and healthiest option but I didn't have the confidence to do anything else about it.

In the last five years, I have become a lot more assertive. I have learned to deal with things but usually only after lots of prayer and lots of sleepless nights. I know that I will continually come up with situations that require me to be pro-active but I still don't enjoy it. Because I am an outgoing, sociable person, people tend to interpret from that that I am strong-willed and "speak my mind" but that is really not so. I wish I could just give the job to someone else to deal with.

I do need to learn to watch my "tone" and to try and be less defensive. However, no-one's perfect and I realise I just have to keeep growing in this area. I only wish I didn't have to worry about conflict at all!

The Five Senses

What better way to tell you a bit more about myself than to tell you things that I like?!

I like to:

See

The sunlight dancing on the ocean causing it to sparkle like diamonds

The rainbow stretch its colours over the grey sky.
My friends' eyes twinkling, their mouths upturned in a smile.
Children playing happily together, running, chasing, and enjoying the moment.
Rolling green hills dotted by cows, sheep and trees.
Boats bobbing slightly on a gentle river.
Friends coming into my home.
A friend's Yahoo ID being lit up which means they're online to talk.
Photos that bring back precious memoriesOld couples walking hand in hand, obviously enjoying their life together.
New blog posts from family, friends and fellow bloggers.
A look of love/understanding pass between two friends

Hear
Compliments, kind words and encouragement
Laughter that comes bursting forth spontaneously
Magpies singing and kookaburras laughing
Music - all sorts and styles
The sounds of the bush - bellbirds & other birds, dew dripping off leaves
A friend say my name "Carolanne"

Taste
Obviously, diet coke and chocolate
Fresh strawberries with or without custard or ice-cream
Cheese and Onion crinklecut chips
Roast Dinners with Honey carrots, mashed pumpkin and mint peas
Fresh bread/ freshly made sandwiches
Crumpets with honey
Hot chocolate with melted marshmallows
Chocolate

Smell
Roses
Freshly mowed grass
Rain
Pretty perfumes/after shave that reminds me of a loved one
New books, new stationery
The bush - with the fragrance of trees
Bread being baked in the oven
Something good cooking

Touch
Be embraced by a loved one
The packaging plastic that you can "pop"
A friend on the shoulder/arm
A baby's kiss

To Do
Play Squash
Go swimming
Sing
Walk along the beach or in the bush
Be alone
Talk with my friends and family
Visit loved ones
Walk on the beach in the moonlight
Teach a classful of my favourite students
Read
Watch movies with happy endings
Play games on the computer: Cribbage, Literati, Word Racer, JTBlocks.....
Chat online with friends

My Mum the "Softie"

Who I am today is largely influenced by the person my mother was. (For those of you who don't know, mum passed away on June 11th, 1999.)

My mother's mum died in childbirth when mum was only three and half years old, leaving five children to be cared for by mum's Dad. They moved in with 'grandmother' and somewhere along the line, there were a couple of aunts looking after them too. The baby died at six months as the story goes, due to a spider bite but in later years, my mum found out that it was quite possibly due to SIDS. Since my mother's childhood was in the forties, you would be correct to assume that it wasn't an easy upbringing.

At fourteen, mum left school to go and start earning to chip in for the family upkeep and she had a brother younger than herself. This is not the time to tell you some of my mum's recollections of her childhood but who knows what another post might bring.

Mum and Dad were married in 1961 and began their family a year later. If you've ever read a book, "Growing Up Born Again", you will know that our family fit into that sterotype quite neatly, but without the Americanisms. Mum was a stay at home mother and was always there when we got home from school. We had fresh bread every day for our sandwiches which were never repeats of yesterday's lunch. i.e. Sometimes we'd have egg sandwiches, sometimes meat sandwiches, cheese and tomator etc.

We went on many family vacations to simple places that were inexpensive. We camped down near the beach at Rosebud, Inverloch, Cape Paterson and often went to the Grampians. Whenever possible, we'd also go to the city and see the Shrine, Parliment House and the museum which was free of charge in those days. Mum and Dad wanted to make sure that our education was broadened so they'd find the cheapest, educational things for us to do.

Sunday was church and family day and if we wanted to have a friend over for lunch, it had to be a church friend. We were not allowed to play with our school friends and usually Sunday was kept for just family. We were not allowed to watch TV, go to the shops and Sunday afternoons were for quiet activities. Someone once told me that I had a "legalistic" upbringing but to me, it was just part of our family's life and even now, I am still grateful for those times.

Our family was very committed to church activities, as most Christian families were in those days. We would head off to Sunday school, go to church in the morning and in the evenings, mum or dad would go to church and take those of us who wanted to go. I liked going to chruch on Sunday night. We were involved in Girl's Brigade, mum was a leader and I went right up to the time I was about 15 or 16. Dad and the boys went to Boys' Brigade and Dad was captain there for many years.

Mum was a very approachable person and we would bring our friends home and they'd sit in the kitchen talking with mum and having "a cuppa". As we grew into teenagers, as our friends got a car and their licence, (at 18) it was not uncommon to come home and find someone in the kitchen, chatting with mum. Even the most rebellious teenager, the most argumentative child would find a listening ear in that kitchen and mum was willing to dole out her advice and to pray for them.

A lot of mum's peers didn't understand why mum was able to give advice to unruly teenagers and mum was even accused of being "too soft". The teenagers kept coming and going and years later were thankful that mum had cared enough to listen and help them when others had given up on them.

Also around our middle to late teens, our church had a bus program and Dad was the bus driver who would pick up Asian students and drive them to and from church. Again, our house was open and many of them would come back for Sunday lunch and for fellowship. Our house was always open and there was nothing unusual about 13 or 14 of us sitting down together to share Sunday lunch. Sometimes I would go to a friend's place for lunch and it would be so quiet in comparison to what I was used to.

Later on, mum went and did further education and became a recognised counsellor. She recounted how one of her clients told her that she didn't understand because she had had such an easy life. The client had seen mum as happily married, with lovely children, committed to Christ and in her eyes, that meant mum did not know hardships and trials. Ha ha.

I wonder if when people look at me, they draw those same conclusions. Here I am, married with a well-behaved teenage son (at present) working as a teacher in a Christian school, living in a lovely home - "Ain't life grand?" as my mum would quote. It's so easy to see the outside and they are right, I am content and happy in my life but all things come at a cost and while it's good at the moment, I don't know what the future holds.

I am glad for the upbringing I have had. The upbringing most of all, has shown to me that God is indeed involved in every aspect of our life and that He loves us very much. He is a holy and just God who has a purpose for every individual. Without Him, I am nothing. With Him, all things are possible. No matter what I am going through, I need to trust Him and walk close to Him.